I feel really good today.
Again because we've agreed to go our separate ways Ogre and I are not fighting, or talking anything too deep. The house hunting has to go up a notch.
He's been asking for a meeting since he came back from out of town and when we did have it. I asked him how he felt, he said he it's only been getting worse, I said I respect that. He asked me if I wanted to stay where we currently rent, said no. And that was that with that. Brief, polite, nice.
So we're getting on fantastic. I don't go out and he doesn't insult me.
A realization just came to me - I saw one of the women he's been attracted to on facebook and I just thought there is no way we can regain the trust in this marriage. So much baggage and ego and unforgiveness in it - it can only lead to something horrible. And there's really no point of that when people are entitled to having a fantastic life.
If indeed I create my reality, then which part of me created this angst and frustration. I want to be happy, I want to love and be loved and I want to be rich.
Living without Ogre will be new and different and possibly hard or maybe not..still I'm willing to face it.
I'm wondering what's going on though - everybody's lives seem so topsy turvy..and mine's not the worst.
What of YH, what if he leaves the country? What if there's nothing to go to there? Another risk I will just have to take. Living under the current circumstances just doesn't work - I need to be relaxed when I get home and not walking on eggshells.
So end of Day 14, relaxed, ready for a challenge.
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